Now More Happier.

3.08.2006

The Valley Floods

I held out hope, but it was (as I more or less figured), in vain. After the break up, which was at least, I suppose, amicable I went back to class and it was pretty much normal. The rest of my day was ok, until the end of tennis practice when I started becoming unglued. The coach even noticed and advised me to cool down. But...ugh, breathing exercises can't relieve all this pressure in 30 seconds. Sorry. I made it home and to my room fine. Barely. Even now, after I've vented a bit, I couldn't describe how I feel. Angry, I suppose. At myself and at her and at life in general. And sad, for the obvious reasons. But I've been miserable for the past few weeks anyway, and she hadn't helped much. So maybe it's tinged with relief and my eternal optimism. And there's definitely regret, because I think a talk somewhere along to way could've solved everything. I feel like the dog whose master is dangling a treat just out of reach. Except instead of a treat, it's happiness and the prospect thereof. And instead of a master, it's life. [Bam, an analogy is born.]

I kind of miss the 'good days,' pre-awkwardness. These are the days when conversations ended in 'muah' and I might get (or give) a call just saying goodnight. Like that lucky dog, I had that treat. Like a total bastard, it got taken away before I'd truly had time to enjoy it.

Life...kind of sucks these days. And I'm tired of walking around like a sad sack, because I really don't like the feeling of people who feel bad for me for no reason. I mean, sure, if you know where I'm coming from, go for it. Let's get the pity party on. But just because I look sad, it kind of bothers me. That's my job, is to be the rock that's there for leaning.

I still kind of want to break something.

2 Comments:

Blogger trixi said...

so break something!

7:56 PM

 
Blogger Trevor said...

you're a genius.

7:08 PM

 

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