Now More Happier.

2.19.2006

How I'm doing

This is to serve as a more robust answer than 'Alright, I suppose' or 'Alright, all things considered' to the question of how I'm doing.

I seem to be bouncing around between grief and nothingness. Most of the time, however, I feel normal. I'm good at distracting myself when I want to be, and whether it's school, tennis, The Count of Monte Cristo or computer games, I manage pretty well. And it's like everything is normal, and for a minute or two I almost forget. I still can't listen to Disappoint by Assemblage 23, which I guess is only significant if you know the lyrics or have heard the song. I didn't see him very often, something I regret terribly now, so it's not as if I'm constantly having loss rubbed in my face. And I feel like my role throughout all of this, at least now, is to be the pillar of strength my mother and sister (and various other relatives, but they're the closest) can lean on for support. So I maintain a calm exterior, but right now when I'm alone and have had nothing to do but think all day, my head feels like it's about to explode.

What more can I do than seek normalcy?

1 Comments:

Anonymous weasel said...

there is no such thing as normalcy, but peace at mind still exists. please reach it, i'm rooting for ya. i'm also striving to get there. love ya.

10:25 AM

 

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