Now More Happier.



First day of tennis season. I've been waiting for it for six months, so I'm pumped.


How I'm doing

This is to serve as a more robust answer than 'Alright, I suppose' or 'Alright, all things considered' to the question of how I'm doing.

I seem to be bouncing around between grief and nothingness. Most of the time, however, I feel normal. I'm good at distracting myself when I want to be, and whether it's school, tennis, The Count of Monte Cristo or computer games, I manage pretty well. And it's like everything is normal, and for a minute or two I almost forget. I still can't listen to Disappoint by Assemblage 23, which I guess is only significant if you know the lyrics or have heard the song. I didn't see him very often, something I regret terribly now, so it's not as if I'm constantly having loss rubbed in my face. And I feel like my role throughout all of this, at least now, is to be the pillar of strength my mother and sister (and various other relatives, but they're the closest) can lean on for support. So I maintain a calm exterior, but right now when I'm alone and have had nothing to do but think all day, my head feels like it's about to explode.

What more can I do than seek normalcy?


Fucking Christ

Did I call that or what? I'm not writing anything though. Not now.



For anyone that hasn't heard about it, this website is probably one of the coolest ones I've come across yet. Basically, you put in a band or song and a music station is created for you featuring songs that you'll also probably like. It's also free. I've found a few songs I really like just from feeding it band names and letting it go.


El Tenniso

12 days. I can't wait for the season to start, even though the first few weeks are probably going to consist mostly of hitting against the wall and drills for me and Trevor while everyone else gets up to speed. What I'm really anticipating is playing against someone that isn't, well, Trevor. It's nice to have a steady partner, don't get me wrong, but I constantly worry that I just fall back to playing to his weak spots, rather than real strategy. Still, I don't think I'll have much a problem getting to first seed, and definitely won't be falling below second unless something crazy happens.

Other things are going very well, life is on the up and up. I'm pretty sure that means something terrible will happen soon, but I'll write about that when it gets here.


Future Secured

I got my acceptance letter from VCU today. Hopefully ones from Tech and NCSU will be forthcoming, but I've got to wait until April 1 to find out. I'm excited, but not as much as I could be, because VCU is my safety school. It's nice to know that I've got somewhere safe to fall back on, though.


Improvement, Thy Name Is Daniel

It's nice to see a half year's worth of work pay off. Today, after my internship, I played some tennis with the up-and-coming number 1 seed, Josh. Allow me to digress for a moment: the title of 'up-and-coming number 1 seed' is in some dispute. I hold out that my summer of practice more than makes up for his natural ability. He holds out that his astronomical improvement (where he went from never playing before to being second seed) will only repeat itself, though this time he is already, as he says, a hero. Anyway, we played a very good friendly game, two out of three to six. I won both games (6-1 6-3), though I did not win bragging rights which we agreed would require a 6-1 6-1 victory.

This all brings me to a point I'd like to make, though, which is that the feeling I have right now and had immediately after I played is the greatest reason to play tennis. Afterwords, a sort of mild euphoria appears, and through the golden haze the entire world seems brighter. Even dehydration seems like a blessing. It's something akin to a runner's high. It fades, rather quickly, into total fatigue. The same muscle fibers that were so recently brilliant and full of life are now lethargic and crying for sleep. A fog runs through the mind, and while one can clearly see the effects of everything, one can do nothing about it. It's got to be experienced to be truly known.

Also during the game, there was a single point which was absolutely amazing. I wish I could remember it clearly, but it's all a blur. It involved a good serve (from me), a good return, and then a flurry of running to the net and running back and from one side to the other on both of our parts. We shook hands after that game and were both impressed with ourselves.

My tennis racquet can be my inanimate girlfriend.