Now More Happier.

11.28.2005

Thoughts.

This room is hot. It's almost 10, and I really don't feel like going to sleep. I figure I'll just sort of stream of consciousness for a little bit. Because, you know, I'm all about the self exploration. It's one of the purposes of this whole thing, and not necessarily just this blog. I'm probably feeling a little extra deep because one of my favorite teachers gave me this book to read, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, by Robert M. Pirsig. It's kind of a confusing read, involving the narrator and his kid, and early on two friends, travelling cross-country via motorcycle. Interspersed with the daily business of this are his thoughts, written down as a Chautauqua, a travelling tale. It's kind of odd, picturing this mentally, but I've realized that when I'm driving around in a car and just thinking, it's kind of the same thing. The difference is mainly that I talk to myself rather than an audience (most of the time). It's kind of an odd story, as there's a character whose relation to the narrator is odd, but whose existence is integral to the Chautauqua. Anyway, it just recently got interesting. The subject is Quality, which is kind of like truth but very definitely not. It's immeasurable but it exists, but classifying it is not possible. The entire purpose of this paragraph was to help explain this post. I hope it worked, but probably I just wasted your time.

I try to think about what to write. My mind shuts down. This is pretty common. I'd like to stop thinking about what to write, but then that would be violating stream of consciousness, so I'll just keep going. I shouldn't be sitting down, sweating in this room. When I look at the brick walls, I can only think of an oven. I'm sure that when the lights go out, my impression will be more of a cave. Gollum gollum gollum.

I know way too many pointless facts. I guess I just sort of retain interesting things, while information that I'd really like to keep (I'm looking at you, C++ and CSS), just sort of slips around. I also know lots of pointless words. Tintinnabulation is probably the coolest so far.

I sometimes wonder if this path that I'm pursuing is the right one for me. Comp sci major, professional office drone, one day having a (trophy) wife, 2 cars, 2.5 children, and a white picket fence. The American Dream. But I just don't deal well with numbers, sometimes. I'm good at math, and if you give me long enough with a problem and I know the theory around it, I'll get it solved. But...I suppose I wish I was more intuitive with these long strings of equations. Take a glance at my SAT scores and you might see what I mean...730 reading, 580 math. It's kind of obvious where my strength lies. And I'm a fairly visual person. Usually I solve math problems so quickly because I'm visualizing and working them out in my head. This, I think, is where my Graphic Design talent lies - visualizing. After that, it's just making the software work for you. That's what lots of people, I think, don't understand. They try to do it the other way, asking themselves "What can I make the software do?" and then working from there. That's a paradigm that needs shifting but I suppose is hard to get out of.

I still really don't feel like going to bed. It's something that I've elaborated on here before, I really don't like to sleep. It's like giving away my life, and I really do enjoy this whole 'living' thing. Most of the time.

I'm ending this post before I shoot myself in the foot somehow.

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