Now More Happier.

10.31.2005

Halloween

Being a responsible, upstanding young adult is kind of sucky sometimes. Like now, because I feel too old to go out and get free (!!!) candy.

This is only an excuse for some things of a more childish nature, though. For example, 'ding dong ditch' is much, much more fun with a getaway car, an agenda, and the ability to make odd (and yet not ominous) notes for the victims.

Free candy, sadly, is out of the question.

10.27.2005

Gestalt.

I'm not sure why this rates its own post, but hey...it's my blog and I'll do what I want. And you'll like it, so there.

Sometimes (alright, a lot of the time), I wonder if there's a gestalt that we're all somehow tapped into. I'm a pretty scientific guy, but I'm capable of making leaps of faith when they seem to be supported by evidence I can't just explain away as coincidence. Now that I think about it, that's a pretty good description of agnosticism, my label of choice. Usually I just wonder about it for a minute or two and then decide that until I can harness it and take over the world, I don't really care.
Not too long ago, though, I watched a movie in 2D Design called Waking Life. It's extremely interesting but it's a whole lot to take in at once because it's almost non-stop input. One of the things mentioned in this movie is a study about crossword puzzles. Apparently, the group of people that did them performed much better when the puzzles were a day or two old - basically, after everyone else had done them. If this isn't just made up to support whatever the characters in the movie were talking about, it'd be really interesting to read. I just think about all of this at random times and wonder about possibilities. I guess it's better than reading because it's more active.

Maybe one day when I'm feeling a tad more philosophical or scientific (take your pick!), I'll make a post about quantum suicide/immortality.

10.25.2005

It's amazing what a long talk with a close friend can do. My mood might not've taken a 180, but I'd say maybe a 110 or 120.

Stillborn.

A serious post, hooray. This one harkens back to the days before I became a two-bit hack writing about not liking to sleep. It's sort of because of this that it's so long, if I'm making a good post, I might as well make it a very good post, right? I began writing this at work, mostly because I didn't want to forget what I want to say and I wouldn't be getting home until late today because I was meeting with my art director. Anyway...

The relationship that might have been now never will be...or atleast doesn't seem like it will be. This makes me a sad Daniel, not really because of time or money that I've invested (both of which are on the low end...like practically nothing), but just because of the amazing potential that was there. It could've been beautiful. I'm not really feeling down because of a lost relationship, but because of lost potential...I'm a big fan of potential, and every time it's lost - in the crack addict on the street, in the kid that never applies themself in school, whenever - it makes me sad. This time, however, the effect is especially pronounced because I'm directly effected. Not to mention...how often is it that an interesting, beautiful girl is interested in me? Heck, how often is it that a girl I have any interest in is interested in me? Less often than I'd like, certainly.

And...I don't know. We're friends, which is ok...but which is looking like a bottomless pit I'm never going to be able to get out of. If you've never looked up ladder theory, do so (it's really easy, just go to google, type in "ladder theory" and hit I'm Feeling Lucky). That's how I feel. And that makes me sad, because this whole friendship thing would be a lot easier to take if there was hope on the horizon...but as it is, there is no horizon. Because I'm plunging deeper and deeper into the bottomless pit, and there's no horizon in a pit. Alas, she doesn't see that as a loss...perhaps I'm just not capable of explaining myself. I don't usually reference the ladder theory aloud, mostly because I assume I'm the only one around me that's really cynical enough to know about it and recognize the truth in it.

I'd say that right now, my greatest fear is that the friendship doesn't work out - either because things are too awkward or I just can't handle thinking about what I could be doing (as guyish as that is) or whatever. It's sad to meet someone, become suddenly close, then farther apart...to have it just become...nothing would be sad. Like a beautiful statue given up to decay or something of that nature.

Today, before I left school, I saw her. Sort of by chance, but I wasn't just hanging around purposelessly. That's how I operate. I made sure to tell her that I had no hard feelings - this is, really, completely true. I'm not angry, other than in a very vague, undirected, general sense; that would just be dumb. Sad, of course...not angry, though. Just regretful, I suppose. I try to look at the silver lining in most situations, in this one I'm just glad that it ended now than later, when it would be worse...either something long and involved with a poor ending or one-sided. Neither's something I wish to be involved in.

And so there you have it; my best post in a long time about the relatively happy (on a non-relative scale, I'd call it a bit less cool than neutral) ending of a 4 day long period of 'dating'. Teenage life is glorious. I'm glad that the powers that be have decided it just wouldn't be fitting for me to be happy with another non-crazy person that doesn't live 100 miles away for more than half a week. Because then I wouldn't have anything to write a nice long post about.

Le sigh.


edit: If you caught this post earlier and it looked different, it's because I decided to edit it after work, when I can give it my undivided attention...it's worth doing, it might as well be done right.

10.16.2005

Regret.

A lot of the people in my school, when asked what they did over the weekend or do after school, answer a simple, "Sleep". If questioned further, oft times they will mention that they like sleeping. I see it happen in virtually every class and have seen it since 9th grade. I still don't understand. Sleeping is like taking a little bit (1/3, so maybe not so little) of your life and just throwing it away. It's a waste. I wish I didn't need to do it, because then I would be far more productive.

10.06.2005

General Update

Life is good. Senior year rocks. Sycamore Rouge is the best place to intern at ever. Still far too busy, far too sleepless. But I only care on Fridays.

Also, Government can be just as fun as I guessed. We're talking about rights, some of which are reproductive rights. This is not only abortion, but also the ability for pharmacists to refuse to give you birth control. Some chicks got indignant about that, and someone said something to the effect of "Good, you shouldn't be having sex anyway."

Once the furor over that died down, I said "And abortion is wrong" and some people freaked. I love moments like that.