Now More Happier.

5.11.2004

Serious post ahead.

I was sort of thinking about typing this up but not publishing it, because it's fairly personal, and I'm not an open sort of person, but I decided I really didn't feel like writing and then not posting it.

I'm starting to think (and care) about how I present myself to people I see on an almost daily basis. In other words, what my classmates think about me. I think of their expectations, and how I'm not the biggest asshole, but it's me they think of when they hear the word. In all fairness, it's my fault. For the first three quarters of the year, and almost all of last year (once the newness wore off a little), my goal in life was to have fun. My mindset was "I'm in high school, I'm here to learn and have fun, not coddle your poow widdwe feewings."

For no particular reason, I realised how fucked up that is today. Like a sudden flash of introspective enlightenment.

So now I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever find the person that's 'right' for me. If I'll ever do any of the normal High School relationship stuff. If I'll ever find someone who's capable of understanding when I'm joking and can joke back. Someone who isn't subservient, who won't change simply to fit what they see me as, but someone who won't try to change me and isn't domineering. Someone who's decent looking (so I'm a little shallow). Most importantly, someone who isn't crazy. Crazy is bad.

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